I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
