you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
