His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
