i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
