dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
