I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
