Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have aggressive nipples.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
