I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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