OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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