Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
