I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
