he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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