So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
