You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
