Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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