You just made me feel so damn special
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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