i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
