hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize