I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Need sex. Gaining weight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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