Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize