Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
