your thong is hanging out like whoa
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
