i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
