Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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