My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
