talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
