You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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