dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize