I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
