I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
