So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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