..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
