Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
