what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
