I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
