i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
