party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
