then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
