i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
