Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
