my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Welp...herpes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
