She's JV to your varsity
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
