I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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