I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
