Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
