Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
