Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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