He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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