It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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I need you to use more vowels.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize