This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
