I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
