I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
