I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
