Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
