Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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