I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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