i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
