So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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