I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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