She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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