watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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