You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No subtext here. People are naked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize