We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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