Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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