just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
