first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
