I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
