o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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