Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
