I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
