She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
